In times of darkness, we are often reminded of an inner strength that we hold inside. Not often at our disposal when plain sailing through the motions, yet when we need it, like a gas mask which drops from the ceiling of an aircraft, it appears. Largely because difficulty removes choice. There is no choice but to change gear and carry on, this inner strength quickly becoming our fuel.
I first noticed it float to the surface when my Dad was diagnosed with cancer. Many who know the gravity of a loved one saying those foreboding three words, will know the feeling of when this strength starts to take over. I just suddenly had the ability to get on with it, if he could go through treatment and fight this invisible enemy, then I could get up and carry on. There were of course days where this felt impossible, heavy under the weight of worry and sadness, just rolling out of bed felt unthinkable. It was on those days that I had to put my positive pants on. Saying it out loud sounds silly, childish even, but I knew that I had the strength inside of me to carry on, I just needed a little reminder. So, I would stand up, pick up my invisible positive pants, and I would put them on, one leg at a time, one foot in front of the other.
You often hear it said, to people who are going through an incomprehensible time: ‘how are you so strong?’ But, that extraordinary strength lives inside all of us, sometimes it just takes extraordinary circumstances to ignite it. And FUCK ME, are these times extraordinary.
So, my strength manifests as a pair of knickers, quite fitting for someone who loves to dance around in their underwear whenever the option presents itself. How will your strength manifest? Perhaps it’s a positive PJ top or a positive hat. Whatever it is, it doesn’t really matter, although make sure it’s comfortable, you don’t want to be putting on a positive suit of armour every morning – what a ball ache. Whatever it is, once it’s on, feel the strength that it provides, the strength that comes from somewhere inside.
On rainy days, metaphorically rainy with doom and gloom, I often don’t bother picking the pants up. I wallow and roll in the weight of it all, but it is on those days that I know, there’s nothing truly difficult to deal with. On those days, where the small stuff gets me down, I know that the stuff is indeed small. It is when I have no time to think, when shit really hits the fan, that wallowing will only result in getting covered in said shit. There’s no time to be down, no time for self-pity or indulgence, only positivity. Only room for the positive pants, hoiked up over the devestation or the angst.
It is on those days that I realise how strong I truly am.
These times are extraordinary so in order to cope, we may need a little extra help. Positivity is a mental attitude. Positivity is a choice. Positivity is abundant. Positivity is a fucking nightmare when all you want to do is stay in your pyjamas, slump on the sofa and maintain a face which looks like a slapped arse. Nonetheless, positivity is strength. It reminds us that with only the power we harbour inside, we can overcome almost any obstacle. We can manoeuvre our way through this shit storm of life with nothing but resilience, strength and good vibes that we decided to put on that morning. That we knew we had within, just waiting to be used. Some days, you may have your positive pants on, and a loved one may have left theirs at home. That’s ok, you’ve got a power in your pants and you ain’t afraid to show it. Sorry, share it. Lean on others where you can, and be the crutch to someone who foolishly decided to go comando.
It’s not to say that productivity will rocket, or you’ll run a half marathon around your kitchen counter, but you will be able to cope. To get through the day, one foot in front of the other without utterly exploding into mania and despair. You may not be singing ‘the hills are alive’ at the top of your lungs as you spin in a nauseating circle, but you might be able to make a cup of tea, read your favourite book or maybe have a wank? Fuck it, you might even be able to slip into something lycra-tight and get Joe Wicks on the tele. The worst thing you can do in these situations is underestimate your strength. Your ability to pop on a pair of positive pants and find the light on the darkest of days, because whether you believe it or not, the sun will come out again. Emerging triumphantly from the lurking grey clouds.
Just think about your mind set at the start of all of this. Close your eyes and remember the gumption. The list of goals and things you wanted to achieve, things that have been sat on your ‘when I have time’ list for years. Just because that momentum has dwindled in the sheer monotony of it all, does not mean that you cannot get it back. Retrieve the vigour and determination from the depths of Groundhog day, it exists within you somewhere, you know it does, you’ve already seen it. So don’t force it, don’t be afraid to be a little lack lustre, that won’t last forever. But do remember the moment when you found all of this exciting, a time when you thought this might be an opportunity, to grow, to learn, to rest. That time hasn’t disappeared, it’s just a case of waking up every day, putting on your positive pants and putting one foot in front of the other.
So here they are, from me to you, your very own pair of positive pants,
Go on, pop them on!
Oh babe, they look amazing on you! No, really they do, love the colour.
How do you feel?
You look it.
Don’t feel silly, no one can see you, bend down and pop them on. Every god damn day.
Peace and positivty x