This week’s Blogcast is all about dating apps, and why I really don’t like them…

This is ideally how my dating app experience would go…

I swipe right and instantly boom with a sexy suiter…

Me: I don’t really like dating apps, so shall we just move this along and go for a drink?

Very good looking guy with a nice name I can’t think of, maybe a Bobbie?:

Absolutely, I’m with you, I’ve got the perfect place in mind, are you free next Thursday?

(You don’t want him to be too readily available because that means he has no plans but, you don’t want him pretending he’s really busy/actually is really busy because then you have to wait too long!)

Me: I am actually, perfect.

*no need for trying to show him that I’m funny/charismatic/diverse/complex/good in bed because he’ll find out all of those things (maybe not the last one, maybe) on our date!

Bobbie: Perfect, I’ll see you next Thursday, outside Shoreditch High Street? I’ll be the guy holding the flowers.

(What a keeper?!)

Me: I look forward to it x.

(Kiss is a bit much but hey ho)

Anyway, I turn up on the date and he wasn’t lying about the flowers, he’s even more handsome in person and taller. We go to a tiny little bar which is candle lit, we laugh drink and he orders food. Loads of food and we just eat and he doesn’t care that I’m a vegan he just takes the piss out of me. Then the bill comes and when he offers to pay I politely refuse and explain that I’m happy to take the privilege that my fore sisters have fought for and pay my own way, he’s not intimidated nor is he persistent, he just agrees and we go half. He walks me back to the station and we kiss good-bye, which obviously induces butterflies and all the right flutters in all the right places.

We live happily ever after…

Now how the fuck does anyone expect real life bumble to live up to that?

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