I’M ON MY PERIOD, SO CAN YOU FUCK OFF PLEASE , THANK YOU x

I would love it if we could normalise “period chat”, so that I can say this sentence for anyone that dares to challenge my emotional stability when it’s that ‘time of the month’.

Irrational, emotional, hungry, uncomfortable, bloated, spotty, hungry, snappy, needy, sensitive, teary, hungry, hungry, hungry are just some of the words that come to mind when I think about my period. Not only am I all of the above, but if like me you’re one of the unlucky ones, then you’re probably also in pain, agony from when you wake up to when you go to bed.

I’m completely aware that the discussion of menstrual blood probably isn’t at the top of anybody’s small talk or dinner party chat list, but the idea that the word ‘period’ is something that you have to whisper, or even worse apologise for, blows my mind. Even more than the fact that I’ve been single for three years. (Still bitter, not over it, boo-fucking-hoo). Quite like childbirth, periods are a fascinating and cruel work of nature. I still don’t really understand the science of it, and definitely can’t get over the fact  that we only lose on average 80 ml of blood when it legit feels like I could fill a small paddling pool. Not only does blood come out of our genitalia, but stomach cramps rivet through our body like a little person is inside of you pulling repeatedly at your abdomen.

So, with cramps and blood in tow you must then queue up for the emotional rollercoaster that is a period. A ride filled with low highs and even lower lows. One minute I’m crying at a Halfords advert on the TV and the next minute I’m screaming at the washing up BECAUSE IT’S STILL JUST SITTING THERE. There is no rhyme nor reason to a woman on her period. The emotions are quite like pheasants when they run out in front of your car, they come quickly and appear from nowhere, dawdle a little and then fuck off faster than they came onto the road in the first place.

I do not wish to apologise for any of the above. I do not want to justify my emotions as it is my period talking and not me. I don’t want to go bright red at the checkout when I pass the guy behind the till my pack of super-plus tampons. I don’t want to EVER say the words ‘sorry I’m on my period’ when a guy implies that he wants to sleep with me: a) because I’m not sorry, it’s not my fault, nature is beautiful. And it means I’ve managed another month without getting pregnant, 10 POINTS, b) get over it and get on with it.   And I certainly don’t want to use weird code words to tell people that I’m on my period, because the word period makes them feel uncomfortable, when actually I am the one that feels uncomfortable, see: blob, the rag, ‘time of the month’, Aunt Flo, I’ve got the painters in and IT IS CERTAINLY NOT BLOW JOB SEASON.

(Yep, I’m on my period now, can you tell?)

If you have ever lived with girls, you’ll know that somehow your ovaries communicate with each other and decide to all turn the tap on at the same time. This is a good, and a bad thing. It’s perfect because you can all complain together, feel sorry for yourself and each other and feel completely convinced about the fact that ‘he definitely was in the wrong, and you’re definitely not being irrational babe’. But at the same time, emotions are on high alert. It’s pretty hard to have a voice of reason in the house when you’re all on your period. Then again, there are moments of clarity, we obviously don’t walk around in a hysterical state, overly emotional about every little thing that happens (tbf I did cry because I couldn’t open an orange the other day.)

And to top off all of that, sanitary products are more expensive than a boots meal deal, and to be honest I think it’s completely outrageous that period poverty exists in this country.

I’m not saying that I want everyone to talk about my period as if it’s of public interest. But I don’t want to be expected to be fine, and I also don’t want my emotions to be a joke. They’re still emotions no matter how irrational or surprising they may be.

So, in short, DPMO when I’m on my period, don’t wince when the word is mentioned because it’s not my fault,  do have sex with me (not everyone, just if I dunno, you’re my lover of choice or something), do fill me a hot water bottle, do be more sensitive, don’t take everything I say to heart, and for god’s sake please don’t tilt your head, raise your eyebrows and say “ahh are you on your period?” when I do or say something irrational.

Because I can’t promise that I won’t hit you, in the face, or the willy.

 

 

2 thoughts on “I’M ON MY PERIOD, SO CAN YOU FUCK OFF PLEASE , THANK YOU x

  1. LOVE THIS.

    I also loved your vegan blog (I’m not vegan at all but it was amusing and your emotions are relatable)!! But that raises the question about Sanitary products… being vegan and wary of the emissions on the planet… does this make you hate society’s use of plastic and waste for sanitary products?

    Mega interested in this at the moment as how does something so vital to our health, something so organic and so incurable as a period have to contribute to so much waste pollution to the planet?? (I state incurable like it is a disease of which sometimes it feels like it is but I am aware it is a beautiful part of humanity; having a period and being a womb bearer etcetc…).

    Interested on your thoughts vegan ReadieG?

    Like

    1. Hi Meena Vahab
      Firstly, thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to leave a comment. I am sending lots of pozzy vibes and good juju your way!
      This is such an interesting point and something that I have been concerned about for a while now! I started by dismissing plastic applicators (I used to hate using my finger to put a tampon in!) and not putting tampons down the toilet (a very bad habit that a lot of people have at home). I then started to use a Mooncup! I know that this is not to everyones taste, but if you can get your head around it, it combats so much waste!
      Natracare is such a good sustainable brand, with 100% biodegradable tampons and pads, so I try to use them where possible. Just like veganism itself, it’s so important not to be too hard on yourself, just yesterday I started my period at work and had nothing in my bag. I had to run to the shop and buy whatever I could, in these times a girls got to do what a girls got to do!

      Hope this is helpful,

      Happy period 🙂 xxx

      Like

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