So, I know that I make it sound like I don’t enjoy it.
I go on and on about my exes, or guys that refuse to fancy me back, or how much I love myself, in retaliation to the fact that nobody else does. (OBVIOUSLY lot’s of people love me and I know that, but it was for dramatic affect, and I meant erotic love, not platonic love. So relax).
Recently, I was sat at my friend Rach’s dining room table, drinking palmer violet gin&tonic, (I know what you’re all thinking, “god she’s changed, G&T’s a bit of an upgrade from the lidl red.”) and we started listing all of the things that we quite like about being single.
Rach, is an ice Queen. She bats away most of the men that try to date her. When you ask her why she stopped seeing someone, she’ll say something like, “He wanted to cook me dinner, and it’s just a bit much isn’t it?” I love this about her, but I’m also unbelievably jealous about the fact that she has endless offers that she doesn’t even appreciate. (I would appreciate them very much).
Recently, I’ve been surrounded by a lot of people that are in love and in happy relationships. Which I love (bitter). However, it always leaves me feeling a little deflated about the fact that I don’t have that in my life. Everywhere I turn there’s adorable people, adoring and being adored, and the longer I spend with them, the less adorable I feel.
Luckily, when I then surround myself with other single people, (queue Rachet Rach) I remember why I am single, and I whole heartedly embrace and wear my green badge with pride. (Reference to a traffic light party, very green, means very available.)
Side note: The more I write out the word single, the more I hate it. The definition of single is: An individual person. Well, what other way is there to be a person. Even in a group, surely I’m still an individual. But then, actually when you are in a relationship it’s easy to blur in to one another. I’ve been pulling Faye up on it a lot recently, saying ‘we’. Like her and George are some kind of conjoined twin. (I’m being pedantic, because I’m in my single frame of mind, Faye I think it’s very sweet that you say “we” and consider George a part of your own path and future. x)
Anyway, as a 22 year old woman, I’m often left feeling like finding a partner is the next step. Branded as a Bridget Jone’s spinster, before I’ve even had a minute to acclimate to adulthood. Constant question’s about when I’ll have ‘a nice boy’ to bring home. (Well I can tell you one thing Barbra, if I do find someone, I hope to God I don’t describe him as ‘nice’, and for fuck sake let’s hope he’s a man not a ‘boy’. Alright Barbra? Sorry you asked? Yeah I thought so.)
But actually, I think this is my decision. There is an argument that in fact no one wants to be my boyfriend, or if they do I just haven’t met them yet. But, I believe that this is the case because I’m actively choosing to be single. My lights are not flashing and the gates are shut, the closed sign is on the door, and I am certainly not open for business.
Well, back to the dining room table, where I realised all of the reasons why I am actively single.
At this time in my life, I am loving being selfish. Making decisions because they benefit me and not having to check in with someone about the decisions that I’m making. You can say that you ‘do whatever you want’ despite having a partner, but I would hope that you consider them in your decisions. If you don’t, maybe do? It’s just that idea, that when we’re in a relationship we are entitled to the other person. Their actions directly affect us because they’re intimately connected to us. In this specific chapter, I love the freedom. I don’t miss the worry of how my actions may affect my partner, or the hurt when their actions affect me. Being single is the true definition of ‘no strings attached’.
I have less people to spread myself between. Logistically this one is great. A partner is such a time strain. I am readily available for a night out, holiday, dinner, yoga class or anything spontaneous at the drop of a hat. I also love how emotionally available I can be for my friends, because nothing is taking up my emotional hard drive. (Ironically my emotional availability is often used up by other’s relationships, but it’s their choice how they use my time and advice.)
I haven’t shaved/waxed my body in a really long time. (I know so many people have a problem with this. Love feeling groomed when I’m with someone, cba when I’m not). Faye, will be reading this thinking- “eww G thats so disgusting, it’s just nice, not because I have a boyfriend.”
Let’s stop here, because all of this is very well and good until you get to Christmas or Valentines Day. Christmas puts love, well and truly in the air, and being single can feel like getting nothing but coal in your stocking. How do you avoid being lonely at Xmas? Rach bought a dog? Lucinda booked a trip to India? I get drunk and tell all strangers that I love them. I also like to buy myself a Christmas present. From me, To me.
Valentines Day is stupid anyway (bitter). Of course Galentines Day take’s it’s place and cooking food, drinking wine and watching ‘The Notebook’, is more than adequate as a replacement for a three course dinner and outrageously good sex. (Just about convincing myself here). However, at least one single girlfriend is required for this arrangement, otherwise it is just bit of a pity party.
Speaking of sex. This is where I struggle with my Green light. If you haven’t figured it out already I really like sex. I’m a libra. What more can I say?
Sleeping around is not the ideal solution to this. 1) Because the sex is never good (sometimes, but often never) and 2) because your reputation begins to proceed you. As we have previously discussed, going backwards is not ideal either. So naturally, I become baron. Like Lady Havisham, drowning in cobwebs and pent up sexual energy. I actually turn into a teenage boy going through puberty. It’s awful. It’s also why people in love always look so happy. You think it’s because they like the person that they’re with. Oh no, it’s simply the fact that their body is released of any tension or stress, because they bonked an hour before you saw them.
But despite the lack of sex and Christmas companionship, my favourite thing about being single, eradicates all of the above concerns. My favourite thing about being single: is the opportunity. A whole world of imagination. A whole world of willy just waiting for me. A fairytale not yet written. My imagination runs wild with what my next partner could be like. I look around on the tube just thinking, maybe this will be my meet cute. I can go to a bar and look around as if I’m window shopping. In the story of my love-life, every time I’m single, I’m at the beginning of a chapter, which is always the best part.
So, in the mean time, whilst I’m waiting to be ready to be in a relationship, I get to give all of my time, energy and exploration to myself and the ones that I already love.
Yes, I think right now, I rather like being single.